What is love? When we talk about it in the abstract, we are all aware - a sense of euphoria, butterflies in the stomach and so on. But when we enter into the everyday problems, gaps are appearing. It turns out that, as each of us is different - each of us has a different definition of what love is.
American marriage consultant Gary Chapman noticed and collected in the course of many years of experience with many customers five shades in the picture called romantic and family love. Then he described them in his book. Couples put different weight on each of them and to maintain the well full of love for a longer period it is important to fill the correct language of the partner.
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Actions in service
- Physical touch
Words of affirmation
"Words have the power to give life and to kill. " - Solomon
Words can be - words of support, words of motivation, words of encouragement, words of sympathy, even simple words of gratitude.
Words can be misunderstood, so it's better to try to deliver your message as clearly and accurately as possible.
The love language - "Time for Us" is the time in which your whole attention is directed to the person next to you - no TV, no Internet and social networks without chores or any involvement of consciousness outside the relationship. Here are some options:
- Sitting on the couch together and talk about everyday life
- Walk, dance, sports, eat out without connection to social networks;
- Quality conversation - a conversation in which attention is directed to the other, with lack of advice and criticism, unless requested, a conversation in which one does not interrupt the other. If someone is not good at expressing himself, now is the time to try to learn to express and communicate clearly their feelings, because mind-reading ability is not widespread, and the creation of personal deductions often leads to unpleasant conclusions.
Gifts need not be expensive, nor do weekly. Their sentimental value has nothing to do with the material. This may be even free stuff, like handmade trinkets or drawing on a handkerchief. For people speaking this language of love is an important gesture. This includes the option to give yourself - to be there physically and spiritually, even without saying or doing nothing.
Actions in service
Actions in service include household chores, repairs, public service obligations - paying bills, disposal of garbage. It may also include the delegation of tasks in which the other partner is better. For women who speak this love language, the lack of help from the man is tantamount that she is not unloved.
Physical touch mainly involves sexual touching, but not only. Human skin is the body with the largest area. The options here are limited only by the imagination - hugging, kissing, massage, hand holding and so on.
As a finale will add a few quotes from the book:
"We must have the will to learn the love language of our couple to make it more happy. "
"One purpose of love is not to get something, but to do something for the welfare of the people you love speaking from his perspective. "
"Material things are no substitute for human, emotional love. "
"Love does not make list of sins. Love is not reminded of past failures. None of us is perfect. "
"The request, executed or not, gives an optional direction. The requirement, and the command stops the flow of love. "
"Love is a choice. Love is given freely. Love can not be forced. You can not make someone love you. Can only be someone that the other will choose to love."